Dearest Mom...
Please stop using me to warm your feet...sticking your cold, clammy feet under me while I am in a deep sleep dreaming of raw-hides and ice cubes is rude. Please put on some socks and stop disrupting me...or I will bite you...hard...
Please drop more food when you are cooking. I enjoy the occasional apple peel or bread crust every now and then when you are making a masterpiece, but how about some ham, bacon, or even cheese...oh yes cheese that would be great..
I enjoy sniffing. Actually I probably enjoy it just as much as sleeping. Please let me sniff as long as I want when I am outside for my morning break. There have been so many creatures and new smelly things in the yard over night and not allowing me to sniff every note is like stealing away my youth! Gosh just give me 5 minutes in heaven...it is my job to protect our castle..
I am so sorry I get into the trash. It is like torture to see it sitting there with paper plates covered in spaghetti sauce or a half even grilled cheese sandwich. Torture! Actually, your really going to be mad when you get home because before I started this letter, I might have gotten into the trash in the kitchen...sorry...but when you see week old Chinese sitting on the top basically beggin’ to be eaten, you have to take the chance. I will be under your bed...
I do not enjoy listening to music, really loud, in the car, and I hate when you sing to me. You are a terrible singer and tone deaf so please stop screaming Lady GaGa in my ears while I am trying to enjoy a snooze. Listen, I adore riding in the car and thinking about all the places we will go and all the new objects and smells to experience, but you ruin this with “Poker Face” and “Telephone”...
Glad we could have this talk. Now I will be in my bed, snoozing away...unless you get a blanket and lay on the couch because then, I will be crowding you and breathing in your face... Love, The Pupperz...
